He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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