no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
