just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize