Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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