Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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