Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
