Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need a beard to bite.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
