I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
