3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
