So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
