There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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