Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
