Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize