I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
