grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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