I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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