His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
