We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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