naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
