its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
look no pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
