Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
