And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
