What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
