it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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