he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
