I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
