Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
