I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
