I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
