o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
