i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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