So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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