Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
