Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
