Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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