is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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