I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
