i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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