No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
