Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
