turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize