Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
