Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
