i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
