your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
