I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
