i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
