I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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