a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
