I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i now understand why vodka
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
