weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize