so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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