Soap is not a condiment
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
