I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
