things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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