We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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