Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
