your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Four minutes until I can fart!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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