Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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