Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
