so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
