Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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