Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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