The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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