I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
