I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
