Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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