I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
