I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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