Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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