I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
