Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
