im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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